It’s not news to most people that we have a civility problem in the United States. However, nowhere is the immense size of the problem more apparent than on social media. Regardless of demographics, 93% of Americans agree that there is a civility problem in our country. Also, 63% of Americans feel that social media has been a major contributing factor to that problem. (Source) Clearly, there is a need for civility on social media.
That there is a need for civility on social media is probably not a surprise to any of us. All you have to do is open one of your social media feeds. There you will find any number of posts with people stating their opinions. In the comments I can guarantee you will find at least one comment from someone objecting to the opinion in a not so nice way.
The Need For Civility On Social Media: Why Is It Happening?
There are many reasons why this type of behavior is happening in the world, especially in social media.
Anonymity
First off, there’s the sanctity of anonymity that social media gives us. Although in most cases your name and picture are attached to your comments and posts, there is still a feeling of being unknown and removed from everyone. That feeling of isolation gives many people the courage to be bolder than they would ever be in person.
This heightened, false feeling of security makes people behave in ways that they would never dream of doing in person. I also want to point out that anything you say, do, or post on social media never goes away! Make sure that your interactions are things to be proud of. You don’t want to deal with a bad reputation following you forever. Also, know that there have been instances of real life tragedies that have started online. Be very careful how you contribute to the online environment.
The need for certainty.
Second, with all that’s going on in the world currently, people are feeling very uncertain and out of control. Generally speaking, when people feel less than confident that they can control what’s happening around them, they tend to react in mostly negative ways. One of the most common reactions when feeling fearful or uncertain is the need to get angry and/or attack others.
You see, when humans feel out of control and cannot fulfill their need to be certain, they will find any way they can to fulfill that need. They can meet that need in positive, neutral, and negative ways.
However, most people who are not aware of the Six Human Needs, tend to fulfill their needs in negative ways and usually that’s done by tearing others down, arguing, and making them wrong. Doing this to others makes them feel powerful, certain, and in control again. It also satisfies their needs for connection and significance as well. When an action satisfies three or more of the Six Human Needs, the person will become addicted to the action and seek out more opportunities to do the same.
What Can We Do About It?
First, realize that not everyone shares your point of view and that’s okay.
The world is full of diverse opinions, people, cultures, religions, and ideas. It’s what makes life beautiful and rich. The world would be boring and unexciting if everyone shared your likes, dislikes, and opinions. Be grateful and excited that there is so much diversity in the world and treat that diversity with respect and admiration.
Second, regardless of your opinions and whether you feel you are right or wrong, be a decent human being.
The need for civility on social media requires that you treat people how you would like to be treated. Lead by example. It really is possible to disagree with someone and still act respectfully and with human decency. When you let someone’s horrible treatment of you affect how you treat others in a negative way, you become part of the problem.
Learn to always keep how you act and react on social media in alignment with who you are at your core. Never disrespect your good name and reputation fighting with someone on social media (or elsewhere for that matter). It’s not worth it. Remember one comment or action on social media can truly follow you for the rest of your life. Make sure it’s something that really reflects who you are and that will make you feel proud of who you are.
Third, listen and learn
Relish the differences in opinions. Really listen to what the other person is saying and try to learn from it. You might not agree totally with what they are saying but generally if you allow yourself to really listen, you might just find one grain of insight that you didn’t have before.
Even if you listen and can find no redeeming tidbits of information in what that person is saying, think if there is a lesson there for you. Is the way the person is behaving a reminder to you of how not to treat people? If what the person is saying so devoid of real facts, could it be a reminder to you to always research subjects before having an opinion on them? Is the person clearly just having a bad day? If so, can that be a reminder for you to take care of yourself and have more patience with others? There is always something you can learn if you allow yourself to be open and really look for insights.
Fourth, heed Bambi’s mother’s advice, if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.
The whole world is not going to crumble if you don’t state your opinion. You’re not the only one with that opinion and if you read the comments, which I generally advise against, I guarantee you’ll see your same opinion stated repeatedly but others.
Perhaps ask yourself, “Is stating my opinion really going to matter? Will it change this person’s mind? Will it contribute in a positive way?” If the answers to these questions are clearly “No”, then move on. Don’t waste your time and energy. There are plenty more productive things you could be doing that will actually help make the world a better place.
Fifth, it’s okay to take a break from social media for awhile.
Sometimes the best thing to do is take a deep breath, shut down the electronics, and walk away. Trust me. Everything will still be there when you get back.
As a matter of fact, it is healthy to take vacations from social media that last a few days to a few months. Even if you only take a couple of hours away from social media platforms, the positive health implications are enormous. Use the away time to take a walk outside and clear your head, finish a project, spend time with your family, watch a funny movie, or learn another language. Take the time to have real experiences that enhance your life.
In Conclusion
The need for civility in social media is one that is growing exponentially worldwide and unlike many other things going on right now, you have the ability to be part of the solution.
Although sometimes you might feel yourself getting pulled in by the drama and negativity that is running rampant on social media, you don’t have to join in. You can follow the words of Mahatma Gandhi and “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
All societal changes in the world have started with one human being who wanted to make a difference. Be that person and be an example of how you would love to be treated. If you do that consistently, you will find that more and more people who share your vision are drawn to you. Those little flickers of positive light in the dark night of negativity will eventually light up the world and it will be because you had the courage to start the movement.
